Things I am not Allowed to do in Le Cafe
by BroadwayGeek24601
Summary: I noticed this was kind of a Harry Potter fad, then Phantom of the Opera, so I thought why not do one for Les Mis. Sorry for the lack of a detailed summary.
1. Chapter 1

TWENTY-FIVE THINGS I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DO IN THE MUSAIN

Hey, guess what! I'm alive! I'm so sorry…I really have no excuse for my long absence from the Miz fandom, (dodges rock) Sorry!

This idea was originally made for Harry Potter, then Phantom of the Opera, so I thought I'd give it a go…oh, and if this idea is yours, please tell me if you do not want me to put it on here. Thank ya 

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I am not allowed to replace Enjolras's vest with a Girl Scout vest, no matter how much cuter it is.

Christmas is not "The season to be Joly"

Nor is it a valid reason to call Javert "Scrooge"

I will not use Feuilly's name as an alternative to cursing.

I will stop comparing Bossuet to Charlie Brown

I will stop trying to pronounce "Valjean" the right way; Doing so will result in me sounding like a sneezing horse, and Valjean will not appreciate it.

Marius is not a wizard and will not be referred to as "Harrius Pottermercy", no matter what similarities I see.

I will not nickname Les Amis after the Seven Dwarves.

I will not attempt to check my reflection on Bossuet's head.

Jumping out from behind a bush at Valjean screaming "Surprise!" is not a good idea, and should it happen, I am to be paying for the medical expenses.

While talking to Jehan, it is inconsiderate to use the feminine forms of French words on him.

I will not tell Fantine 'Dumb Blonde' jokes.

I am not allowed to set Beatles songs to Les Mis (i.e. "I am the Winecask, coocoocachoo")

I will not ask Cosette where her 'deformed masked lover' is, no matter what resemblances I see between her and characters of other fandom's. Should this command be ignored, a disaster beyond my imagination will occur.

I will not teach Valjean the lyrics to "Fulsom Prison Blues"

'Springtime for Enjy' is not a proper theme song.

I will not approach Javert and say "You sir! 'Ow 'bout a shave?!"

I will not replace Grantaire's alcoholic beverages with Pepsi, as he will proceed to get quite annoying and caffeinated.

I will not scream "For Narnia!" on the barricade.

Bamatabois, however jerky he may be, is NOT Simon Cowell, and does not use phrases such as "naughty little minx"

Javert does not appreciate being called 'mutton chops'

I will not teach Eponine the lyrics to 'Someday my Prince Will Come'

Grantaire does not know 'why the rum's always gone', and should not be asked.

I will not call Eponine a lovely lady and snicker at the 'inside' joke.

Enjolras's vest was never his security blankie, no matter what suspicions I may have

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Meh, I was bored. Find it in your hearts to forgive my absence and press that little purple button down there…

No flames! I don't exactly have experience with this kind of stuff….it's like popping a totally inexperienced kid on a trike , telling them to pedal, and when they do, going "OMFG THAT SUCKED! DON'T EVER TRY TO DO THAT AGAIN!!"

Okay. Bad analogy. But seriously, no flames. I shall shut up now XD


	2. Rules and regulations regarding rebels

I know, I haven't updated anything in a horribly long time. But hey, I have an excuse that can be summed up within two words. And those words happen to be 'freshman year'. (headdesk)

But anyway. I present to you another pointless little collection of Things I am Not Allowed to do in The Musain. Enjoy. :D

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I am not allowed to ask why Grantaire has an afro in the Tenth Anniversary Concert.

Nor will I ask him to disco.

I will not make ceremonial cape out of Enjolras's red flag and use it in my pagan Mizzy worshipping sacrifices performed under a full moon.

I am not allowed to write song parodies involving upbeat melodies and Cosette attempting to make Eponine 'popular'.

…because Eponine doesn't give a rat's arse what shoes to wear, how to fix her hair, everything that really counts to be popular.

I won't change the position of pebbles in Cosette's garden just to freak her out.

I am not allowed to get Javert a Christmas present I know he will hate.

…Especially if it is a puppy.

…Named Snookums.

I will not ask why Gavroche and Eponine have seemingly identical hats in the musical.

I will not give a ten page long death speech to comrades on the barricade just to climb down and call it quits for the week.

I am not allowed to observe Javert's snuff and call him a crackhead.

I am not allowed to, while writing fanfiction, type everything Enjolras says in sexy calligraphy style font while everyone else's quotations are subject to the usual Times New Roman.

I will not proclaim to Javert that I would indeed like his hat.

Valjean will not appreciate the subject of debate being whether or not he has facial hair in the novel.

Dropping a chandelier on the National Guard never solved anything.

I will stop making random musical references in my parodies.

I will not try to pry a three-page inspirational speech from Combeferre, and I will acknowledge that they cannot be done on cue.

I will not question why, in classic literature, the blondes are always turned into brunettes in their musicals…

I am not allowed to giggle every time I say 'bread' within hearing distance of Valjean.

I am not allowed to blame Grantaire as a bad influence if I ever get drunk.

Technically, I am not even allowed to be in the Musain in the first place, so this list is essentially pointless.

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…and there you have it. More to come as I think of them. Or as soon as my Biology homework doesn't hate me. XD


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